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xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Tom xxxxx never mind look he’s left me that castle and all that beautiful land there must be an abundance of good grub and fine ale up there – oh and treasure I suppose I best get back to Lelant and tell my Marry (Mammy?) shell be proper proud of me. Tiz a good place ....Oh I shall needs a wife I ll get one of they too Oh I m sorry Blunder MG Pooh – Lord Guiser what is all this – pooh LG Methinks some foul wind is blowing MG The little reason that was in thine numb skull is vanished LG Mistress Guiser: is that that foul stench thine? Mistress Guiser I direct thee to find a river and jump into it LG Hold thine tongue banglebum lest I turn thee into a kipper MG A kipper would smell sweeter than thou I smell it now it is thine rotten feet LG As thee well know I was born under the sign of the two fishes and my feet are perfectly delightful as those found on the statues of Gods in Greece MG Pray sir guiser How would you know the state of your feet when you haven’t seen them or washed them for seven years LG Oh whats this? MG It is a giant dumb cod LG it is old blunderbuss wake up stupid fat fellow MG Wake up stupid fat fellow LG he don’t budge MG my dear Lord Guiser long have I marvelled at your god like wisdom and your hawk-like vision. (Shouts) I can see he don't budge LG tis he that smells MG aye he smells but it is thine rotten feet that stink LG He's dead MG Well hes got noone to xxxxx xxxxxx LG And now your highnesses to carry on with our tale. So Giant Tom rushed off to see him Mam. Mammy mammy he cries the old xxxxxx upcountry has died and left me his house. MG You sound more like a piskey than a giant LG Then he goes to see little Tin King Hunney xxxx up country and left me his house. MG xxxx has died and left me his house LG Then he goes to see the beautful Joan Crowlas who he has been courting for many a year. Joan my love bird step aboard my ship of passion and sail with me to yonder castle I have won for you. MG If you had said that she would have slung you overboard for your troubles. LG Why foul goblin thy dumb pig mouth is far too big for thy scrawny body Tom and her lived in happiness in the castle for many a year gave birth to a beautiful daughter called Genevra and there they all lived in bliss until one day.....and here he comes Tom Its funny. I ve been living here must be for the past 15 years and I've never had a mind to fix this hole in this hedge xxxx my ox and cart could go through Sound of a hammer I' m afraid you cant come through here even if you are ever so good looking Jack I am bound for St Ives and this hedge lies across me path Tom You do sparkle and you’re very shiney little fellow but I’m afraid you’ll have to take another road Jack I am Jack the Tinker. You let me pass, or prepare to answer for it Tom I desire no better sport than to have a fight with ee. What will it be then? Single stick, naked fist, Wrestling, hurling, slinging or throwing the quoits or drinking ale? I desire no better sport than to have a fight with ee Jack Very well then. Stand upon thy mettle. with this my fine blackthorn I ll whittle any timber that you raise Bangs and thumps. Laughter from audience. Noises of fight and clashing sticks. xxxxx Tom You are the devil nay Jack merely a mender of pots of pans Tom Aye and You are faster than a sprite and I can hardly keep up with thee. Jack I can see you hardly know this sport in which science is of more value than strength Tom Let me xxxxx show me how you do it boy Jack I ll go for your right shoulder... Tom Would you call that my right shoulder? (audience no) thumping noise Jack I ll go for your left shoulder Tom Would you call that my left shoulder? (audience no) more thumping noise Shall I xxxxxxx (audience yes) Shall I hit his head really hard? (audience yes) xxxxx Where’d he go xxxxxx (audience laughter) Joan Oh so there you are Tom playing xxxx whilst your supper is on Tom Here jack take this stick I look like a fool stood here Joan Whos this silvery fellow Jack I am jack the tinker, madam, from a far and distant land, a mender of pots and pans, a sharpener of knives, a purveyor of healing lotions and a player upon fine lutes. I humbly place myself at your most obedient service. Joan Oh my you does speak pretty...you are xxxx welcome stranger...I wasn't expecting xxxxx xxxxx Tom I didn't know he was coming did I? His speech may be flowery but by God he do bite Joan Would ye care to sit at our simple table this evening sir? The fare may be plain but it be wholesome Tom Yes Jack come and tuck in with us Jack twould be an honour I am sure even a boiled potato would make a prince drool Joan He could do better than xxxxx Tom come and have some of King Hunneys fine ale LG Ooh and It was a fine feast they ate too MG So did we LG There were pies of hare, rabbit, pork and parsley MG We had a weazle LG Venison pasties, roast lamb and sweet herbs MG It was so small we lost it in the pot LG followed by rich hot cakes baked on the hearth MG We baked a rotten apple LG and milk and cream and profusion then Jack the Tinker told his story MG and old xxxxxx fell asleep laughter from audience Peggers I am the brave Lord of Peggerswick – a master of the sword, I know every trick I have fought the Turk in far off lands – and killed fiery dragons with these lily hands My bold features and fine black eyes – cause maidens to blush, and princesses to sigh My mysterious magic and crafty powers – cause the bravest of men to quake and cower And while they are asleep, let the bold spirit of cunning Peggerswick roam abroad It is well said that the Giant Blunderbuss...You remember Blunderbuss? Do you remember Blunderbuss you horrid brats?? It is well said that the giant Blunderbuss had mountains of treasure methinks this tinker knows where it is and then haha it will be mine MG Are you not well, Lord Guiser? LG The sight of thee at dawn would turn xxxxx xxxx MG Such flattery becomes thee not andThy scabby face becomes thee less Joan Wake up wake up Come on you two off and out theres work to be done Tom Oh tis a new dayCome on Jack we best be off fix some hedges summat like that LG It came to pass that some of the people in Market Jew heard that Joan was living in the castle with Tom Villager Its been ten years since we saw her unison Its the people from Launceston come to see ee There she is Joan Well what do you want villager Oh my dear cousin Joan....Hows your gentleman keeping missus...I bought a bit of yarn cousin xxxx xxxxx Joan I dont think I ve had the undoubted pleasure of your acquaintance madam villager We’re pretty near relation too. My cousins sister married your old first cousins uncles brothers sisters cousins uncle Joan I might be glad of seeing you'll another time but right now xxxxx is asleep Best not wake him up. Because if you do he ll have you for his dinner Tom We’ve had a good day I suppose Jack Jack Yes indeed we have Tom You know Joan, young Jack has constructed a machine that would frighten the devil off. Tiz a piece of willow like this stick here, but tiz bent like a rainbow and what he do is tie a piece of string or a piece of gut to one end to tother and he bend it like a rainbow and he take a rod with feathers on the end and xxx xxx and when he pull it back and bend it even more like a rainbow and let go.....goes swifter than a stone Jack Where I come from the wheelbarrow is common used Tom tis a wheelbarrow my dear Jack will you come over to the window for a moment Tom what marvels do you have to show us now Jac Tis not a marvel tis it is tin. Dear old tin. Tom What do I want with tin Jack How naive you are. Why tin is the xxxx of life. Its xxx shine turns silver and gold. Tis lord and master xxxxx of these parts Tom I don't care if it's lord and master anywhere You can't eat tin can you? (audience 'no') It wont keep you warm will it? (audience 'no'). Tis xxxxx you can have it Jack Jack Theres a real fortune of it out there Tom What do I want with a real fortune, Jack? Jack I ll take some to Tin King Hunney in Market jew Joan Oh talking of tin hunney help me fetch some more ale LG so the next day Jack the tinker goes to see little Tin King Hunney in Market Jew. King Hunney he says I ve found a bundle of this in the giants castle on the St Ives road. Oh says King Hunney tiz rare tin aye says Jack and they xxxx xxxx xxx. Now When the Day for the smelting of the tin had been decided on Jack invites all the worthies such as you up to the castle for a Grand smelting feast. Ooh There is much excitement but at last the great day comes Joan Tom I hope all the xxx are done alright. Tom Oh I’m sure your vitals will compete with any in the country my dear dont you worry twill be a grand feast. I hope so there are many worthies coming. My cakes will surely be burnt oh Jack She do worry dont she just like my old man as long as there is an abundance of good grub and fine ale twill be a grand feast Genevra I m sure it will be a grand feast father Tom Genevra, Genevra my beautiful daughter. Ain’t she beautiful? Are you all prepared my dear Genevra Yes father my heart do flutter at the thought of such a feast Tom I’ m sure your heart do flutter at something else, if I may be so bold and so xxxx blunt my dear Genevra I know not what you are talking about father Tom There is a certain young gentlemen who has a glittering in his eye for a year Gen Oh and whose he? Tom You know very well who he be my dear, but I ll be so flumbuttery jambattery excited. I ll let you in on the secret Joan Tom Tom the first of the guests has arrived. Go and welcome the guest Gen Its a strange one and a knight too tom The night doesnt come through the door when the sky has gone to bed Gen Hes a sir not a night Joan If I may be so bold Hes a sir and a knight Tis the noble lord of Peggerswick stand back stand back Peggerswick I am enchanted to be amongst the company of such noble men and beautiful ladies. Your castle stands in fine majesty a monument to the art of Cornishmen. I pay tribute to the lady of the establishment who keeps the place so homely. And to her beautiful daughter the fame of whose charm has spread far and wide in these parts. Tom Thankyou very much Lord Peggerswick you are heartily welcome. Lord Peggerswick I dont think you’ve had he honourable honour of meeting Jack here. Jack th t Lord P L P. J the T Peggerswick Tales of your courage and cunning and devious ways have already reached the tin lands my lord. Joan Tiz King Hunney! hubbub Peggerswick They have sold their tin and now it is gold. After this merry feast I will use my black powers on these simpletons and their fortunes will be mine xxx but for my dark plot to succeed I needs be wary of this tinker fellow. I call upon the gods of doom. Baal, Beelzebub, and Satan help me in my quest. Thundersound. Tom What was that....tiz more like chilblanes Jack?? calm yourselves I've seen things like this before Tom Lord Peggerswick are you hungry? Lovely job Peggerswick Thankyou. Thankyou yes Tom If you take the honourable seat beside me. Jack you take your usual place (audience laughter) Tom You sit down here I dont mind where I sit Mind your heads Here we are lots of fine ale One for you Joan and here’s the pie Tom Before we eat well have a toast bright tin thou art lord and master all bright tin thou art lord and master All Bright tin though art Lord and master Lovely general hubbub? eating sounds Tom This is a lovely pie...Here Jack I dont think King Hunney has seen the castle why dont you show King Hunney the castle and bring back some more beer Joan We must clear the table Mind how you walk my dear, walk straight disgusting behaviour Peggerswick More ale Tom? You are a very very rich man now Tom Tom And thirsty Peggerswick You have sold all your tin Tom (drunk) Bright tin thou are lord and master of the world. Here wheres he gone. Audience: Hes behind you Where is he? Audience: Behind you Gold Gold Gold Peggerswick And where is your gold? Tom I dont know and I don’t care Peggerswick I have a surprise for your Tom. I have brought you some gleaming Tom seamen black bearded pirates Peggerswick These gleaming will put the old fool giant into a stupor, then there is only the tinker music (pipe and drum) FADE audience applause (is this the interval?) drum beat and tambourine. whoops. general clamour. groans and cries. wheres my xxxx Jack It will take strong magic to defeat the noble Lord Peggerswick. I must ask the good people of Launceston to help me defeat this fiendish knight. Shout with me the magic words 'Bright tin thou art lord and master' all 'Bright tin thou art lord and master' louder all Bright tin thou art lord and master Shout you heathen mob all Bright tin thou art lord and master Joan Whats happened. Father what are you doing on the floor? Tom I dont know my dear I must have dropped off Jack oh Jack you xxxx xxxx More xxxx for everyone LG And so Jack Tinker beat the evil Lord of Peggerswick, and as usual they all lived happily ever after Bye bye Applause
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